Title Wanted

Originally, I had thought up a fairly detailed outline to give my take on Super Tuesday. It was going to be as long as the Canterbury Tales and with many more rhymes. Unfortunately, I have a large history paper due tomorrow. Normally, I'd blame myself for waiting until the last second to write it. In this case, I blame myself for waiting until yesterday to read the book the paper was about.

So I will be brief.

Democratic Primary- Obama takes the small states. Hillary takes the big states. Hillary nabs a marginal, inconsequential lead. As you can tell, there is very little I find funny about a deadlock. In the extended version of this, I'd probably make a very funny and timely joke.

Republican Primary- These are a bit lengthier so I broke them off into paragraphs.

Mitt Romney proves he has too silly of a first name to succeed outside of states where he was either born, governed, or shared the same religious denomination that the state was founded as a refuge for.

Mike Huckabee proves that it does not Suckabee to be Huckabee (that rhyme was going to show up a lot). He has appeal to every SEC school except Florida. But every SEC fan knows that Florida is a jerk and probably went to McCain to show up the rest of the SEC. Also, Mike Huckabee's ability to lay down a smooth bass line is not to be underestimated. A smooth bass line is critical to such classics like Black Magic Woman, Sweet Child of Mine, and pretty much every song by Iron Maiden.

John McCain proves that the countryside is insane for McCain (this rhyme too). His primary strength was in defeating Rudy Guiliani in the Ring of Fire, thus gaining Rudi's power. This enabled John McCain to go from mere senator to some sort of ancient Greek hero, traveling from port to port taking the Golden Fleece and other valuable artifacts. Also, he gave Huckabee a run for his money in several SEC states by pointing out that bass plays no role in such classics as Kashmir, Free Bird, and anything by the White Stripes.

One closing thought, I think it's great to see America temporarily return to the glory days of the early republic, back before partisan bickering tore us apart. No, in those days, you determined who your friends and foes in Congress were by a complicated algorithm which combined state size, proximity to home state, population, and ability to wear tri-cornered hats well.

EDIT: My short version is, again, over 400 words. Note to self: think less elaborately.