Originally, I had thought up a fairly detailed outline to give my take on Super Tuesday. It was going to be as long as the Canterbury Tales and with many more rhymes. Unfortunately, I have a large history paper due tomorrow. Normally, I'd blame myself for waiting until the last second to write it. In this case, I blame myself for waiting until yesterday to read the book the paper was about.
So I will be brief.
Democratic Primary- Obama takes the small states. Hillary takes the big states. Hillary nabs a marginal, inconsequential lead. As you can tell, there is very little I find funny about a deadlock. In the extended version of this, I'd probably make a very funny and timely joke.
Republican Primary- These are a bit lengthier so I broke them off into paragraphs.
Mitt Romney proves he has too silly of a first name to succeed outside of states where he was either born, governed, or shared the same religious denomination that the state was founded as a refuge for.
Mike Huckabee proves that it does not Suckabee to be Huckabee (that rhyme was going to show up a lot). He has appeal to every SEC school except Florida. But every SEC fan knows that Florida is a jerk and probably went to McCain to show up the rest of the SEC. Also, Mike Huckabee's ability to lay down a smooth bass line is not to be underestimated. A smooth bass line is critical to such classics like Black Magic Woman, Sweet Child of Mine, and pretty much every song by Iron Maiden.
John McCain proves that the countryside is insane for McCain (this rhyme too). His primary strength was in defeating Rudy Guiliani in the Ring of Fire, thus gaining Rudi's power. This enabled John McCain to go from mere senator to some sort of ancient Greek hero, traveling from port to port taking the Golden Fleece and other valuable artifacts. Also, he gave Huckabee a run for his money in several SEC states by pointing out that bass plays no role in such classics as Kashmir, Free Bird, and anything by the White Stripes.
One closing thought, I think it's great to see America temporarily return to the glory days of the early republic, back before partisan bickering tore us apart. No, in those days, you determined who your friends and foes in Congress were by a complicated algorithm which combined state size, proximity to home state, population, and ability to wear tri-cornered hats well.
EDIT: My short version is, again, over 400 words. Note to self: think less elaborately.
Showing posts with label hunter barry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hunter barry. Show all posts
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Much <3 Irony
It is with no small degree of irony that I promise you shorter posts only to write 1,000 words after that. I could make such a good politician with rhetoric like that.
The Coke Machine in my dorm stole my $1.25. In order to get my money or Coke, I have to fill out paperwork at the Business Office. Heads will roll.
The Coke Machine in my dorm stole my $1.25. In order to get my money or Coke, I have to fill out paperwork at the Business Office. Heads will roll.
In The Beginning
Hello and welcome to the English Muffin Power Hour! I'm Hunter Barry and if you didn't know that, then why are you at my blog?
Now, many people wonder what compels a man to go blogging. Is it lust for gold? Power? Or were they just born with a heart full of web logs? In this case, it was power (although I won't turn down gold). Namely, the power to entertain my friends, enemies, and colleagues back in Virginia while I moved to Tennessee.
Originally, I sent out a series of newsletters (called "The Hunter Newsletter") each the size of short novels to a handful of interested parties. However, this proved to be an inefficient means of communication as my short novels often took a lot of time to write and I never mailed the letter often enough. Then my Latin professor, Magister Virr, suggested I created a blog.
Thus was born The One Blog... TO RULE THEM ALL!
Unfortunately, I missed the part of the letter wherein he suggested I make smaller updates more frequently. So now instead of mailing my short novels, I posted them on a blog infrequently. All in all, my first blog was a veritable Fort Necessity, a horrific failure the likes of which cannot again be replicated. But it was a failure that taught me valuable lessons to be applied later on in life (namely, to update your blog or die).
Rather than rebuild atop the ashes of The One Blog, I've migrated to this new blog, The English Muffin Power Hour. I still can't make a short title for a blog, by the way. In fact, the titles are getting progressively longer (from six syllables to seven and now nine, all of them starting with "The", as I love establishing the dominance of my work).
You can expect the standard claptrap of blog material (what I do, what I think, my uncanny recollection of historic events, etc.) but with a delightful Hunter twist added to it.
In an effort to try and keep the blog updated relatively often, I'm setting up a strict schedule of mandatory update days. On Mondays and Thursdays, you will get fresh content guaranteed. There might be more updates throughout the week but I won't promise it.
Finally, I recognize the irony that I'm already late on my first post. I'm confident that this is not a trend doomed to repeat itself.
Now, many people wonder what compels a man to go blogging. Is it lust for gold? Power? Or were they just born with a heart full of web logs? In this case, it was power (although I won't turn down gold). Namely, the power to entertain my friends, enemies, and colleagues back in Virginia while I moved to Tennessee.
Originally, I sent out a series of newsletters (called "The Hunter Newsletter") each the size of short novels to a handful of interested parties. However, this proved to be an inefficient means of communication as my short novels often took a lot of time to write and I never mailed the letter often enough. Then my Latin professor, Magister Virr, suggested I created a blog.
Thus was born The One Blog... TO RULE THEM ALL!
Unfortunately, I missed the part of the letter wherein he suggested I make smaller updates more frequently. So now instead of mailing my short novels, I posted them on a blog infrequently. All in all, my first blog was a veritable Fort Necessity, a horrific failure the likes of which cannot again be replicated. But it was a failure that taught me valuable lessons to be applied later on in life (namely, to update your blog or die).
Rather than rebuild atop the ashes of The One Blog, I've migrated to this new blog, The English Muffin Power Hour. I still can't make a short title for a blog, by the way. In fact, the titles are getting progressively longer (from six syllables to seven and now nine, all of them starting with "The", as I love establishing the dominance of my work).
You can expect the standard claptrap of blog material (what I do, what I think, my uncanny recollection of historic events, etc.) but with a delightful Hunter twist added to it.
In an effort to try and keep the blog updated relatively often, I'm setting up a strict schedule of mandatory update days. On Mondays and Thursdays, you will get fresh content guaranteed. There might be more updates throughout the week but I won't promise it.
Finally, I recognize the irony that I'm already late on my first post. I'm confident that this is not a trend doomed to repeat itself.
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