You may not know it by the crazy fun times to be found on this blog, but I am a teetotaler. That's right, Merriam-Webster's dictionary, I'm someone who advocates
the principle or practice of complete abstinence from alcoholic drinks, at least on a personal level. There are a number of reasons for this which I have discussed earlier. Mostly, they focus on avoiding universe-destroying paradoxes. However, back in the far off time of December, 2009, MTSU had won the New Orleans bowl and I felt like celebrating our momentous and glorious victory in the town synonymous with drunken revelry and excessive celebration (and we love you for that reason, New Orleans. Never change! Okay, maybe change the height of some of your levees, but otherwise, keep it up!). So I decided to try a Hand Grenade, a mixed drink consisting of God Knows What, because the bottle looked really cool. Well, it took a lot of will power and two slices of pizza to counter the taste, but I finished nearly a fourth of it before I poured it out and gagged. I still have the bottle today though. Good times...
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Have you even stopped to consider
Chipper's career batting average
when compared to other switch hitters of this era?
Hey, where are you going? |
While my first concerted effort at drinking was a complete disaster, it wasn't long until I tried drinking again, because Old John Barleycorn is crafty. By that, I mean it took ridiculously long because I got distracted by baseball. I would not make another serious effort at drinking until early May 2011. I ordered a pint of Guinness at a local pub to have with my fish and chips (believing that if I ate like an Irishman and talked like an Irishman, I could drink like one too). Sadly, all the luck in the Emerald Isle could not help me stomach more than a third of that blarney.
But I wasn't beat yet. A month later, I decided to try a Jack and Coke with my friends Doug and Sam. I figured "I love Coke and two of my favorite TV characters are named Jack". Bonus points if you can tell me which two Jacks I'm thinking of. Also, it was Happy Hour and Doug was buying, so I really had nothing to lose. But, I decided to videotape the event for posterity's sake. I must apologize for the limited picture. In retrospect, I should have had people hold the iPhone sideways.
