|Basically, it's a Led Zeppelin joke.|
|Stopping a Balrog is easy. A linebacker? Not so much.|
The league was started in 2007, because a lot of my hall-mates from First Year were in a league together and they looked like they were having fun. The league has 8 teams and plays a 13 game regular season, followed by a 3 game playoff. Rather than bore you to death with the history of the league, I'll just tell you about each of the owners and some of the running jokes and interesting stories from their many battles.
The Hunterian Velociraptors- You wouldn't be reading this if it weren't for my love of shameless self promotion, now would you? The watch words of the Velociraptors is "Consistency." This isn't a consistency of strategy since I change my draft plan every year. Nor is it a consistency of the roster, since I average about twenty cuts & waiver acquisitions on my team annually (which only has 16 players to begin with). I consistently get 8 wins a year in the regular season. No more, no less. When I average 90 points a game, I got 8 wins. When I had the third highest scoring season in Iron Dirigible history, 8 wins. Also, I consistently draft last or next to last despite setting the draft order to "Randomized".
Team Gray- Team Gray is led by my friend Dorian. The philosophy of Team Gray is to be the most nondescript team in Iron Dirigible, a feat that's been achieved four years running now. He always drafts in the middle and has finished with 6 losses three years in a row now. I'm not saying that there is a very realistic chance that Dorian's team is in league with The Beast and will one day rule mankind for seven years in a fiery post-apocalyptic way, but I am implying it.
Team Tune- This team is run by Mighty Tune, Mathlympic Champion and Bane of AP Physics. His team is famous for pulling a three year hustle where he lulled the league into a false sense of security by finishing near the bottom of the barrel two years in a row, and then cobbled together the best record in the league using nothing but a screwdriver, three paperclips, and the remnants of Steven Jackson's knees.
Team McLovin- Team McLovin is run by Dylan, who is Bill Belichick's will made manifest. Regardless of draft position, Dylan is apt to have all the Patriots talent worth having. This included the preternatural ability to avoid Randy Moss like the plague last year and embrace Wes Welker's severed ACL. Unfortunately, Belichick had forsaken Dylan last year as Dylan had more points scored against himself than any other team.
West Katzen Maus Munchers- This team is run by my cat, Baron Wolfgang der Mausenheimmer, Lord of West Katzen, Bane of Birds, Scourge of Squirrels, and Conqueror of the Blighted Mauslands. Because he lacks opposable thumbs, the Baron must dictate his decisions to my dad, the Warden of West Katzen. Unfortunately, the Baron has been very pro-cat in his decisions, at a time when the Panthers, Bengals, and Lions are in last, last, and dead last respectively.
Vandy Pimpmasters- I'm fairly certain that Doug, the eponymous Pimpmaster, is also a witch. Or at the very least in league with otherworldly spirits. Two years ago, despite finishing with the worst record in the league, he won the championship. Last year, he somehow had the foresight to draft Arian Foster (who wound up being the best RB in fantasy football despite never starting a game before) and added Peyton Hillis to his team off waivers (which is right up there with "The Sorting Hat Also Has a Magic Sword In It" in terms of lucky breaks). Then he still managed to win the championship despite scoring a mere 68 points (think of fantasy scores like you would grades in college; you just can't win with a 68!) in his first playoff game. It helped that I only scored 60.
Belmont Godfearers- Here is the main reason for the significant delay in the publishing of this blog. I don't mean that Bean is indirectly responsible because he offers up so many chances for adventures. For example, last week a wizard visited him and wanted to hire him on as a professional burglar for a band of dwarves. I mean that I couldn't find the words to convey just how terrible Bean is at fantasy football (and not through lack of effort). Bean is cursed. Not only is he the only team to never have a winning season in 4 years, but he ruins the lives (or at the very least, careers) of the players he picks in the 1st & 3rd round of the draft (and occasionally the 2nd round too).
I could go into detail about how cursed he is, so I will.
But not in this update. I’m running too long as it is. In fact, as of this sentence, I’ll have written over 1,300 words about a subject I’m not entirely sure anybody outside of the league cares about.