Tuesday, March 29, 2011

For the Fine Honeys

You know, any guy can be romantic one day of the year. But it takes a true gentleman to be romantic 43 days later with no explanation why. As a result, I now present the gift of poetry to all of my sassy fine readership:

I wrote you a poem
O honey that's sassy fine
In hopes that my rhyming
Would help you be mine

Your hair is so shiny
And usually short or long
And I'd like to remind you
That your ex-boyfriend did you wrong

I once was asked
If you were more fine or more sassy
I said I couldn't
Because you are so classy

I'd rather talk to you
Than to spend hours on video games
Because compared to your adventures
Shooting aliens is lame

I could go on for hours
Describing your awesomeness so
But now I realize this poem
Would have been better six weeks ago

P.S. If you were wondering who I was thinking of when writing this (and are also a honey), then the answer is "you, specifically".

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Greatest Day of the Year

Why is today the greatest day of the year? Because it's the longest possible time before February comes back, in all its malarial terror. Now, you're probably wondering why I haven't blogged in nearly a month. In large part, it's because I picked the Super Bowl wrong AGAIN (I may have only made predictions the last two years, but still, a streak is a streak). The worst part was the way the Steelers self-destructed. They shot themselves in the foot, stumbled all the way back to one possession within victory, then shot themselves in the other foot. At that point, I realized the I had angered mighty Februus and promptly went into hiding in my February-proofed bunker. How do you February-proof a bunker?

1. Tear off the month of February from any calendars. So very few people realize that calendars are the number one way that February is transmitted. It turns out that if you call it "Smarch" then it loses a great deal of its other-worldly power.