Blogathon Countdown #9: Twitter and Cleveland the Mad

Good evening, beloved readers. I hope you all enjoyed your double dose of Power Hour yesterday. I'm happy to report that we'll be going back to the recommended serving size of blogging today. First, I'm proud to announce that I am officially on Twitter. You can follow me here, @Huntersaurus. It's great for the short observations I have from day to day that are too brief for the blog, but too long to mass text to my homies.

In honor of the upcoming NBA Draft, I'm going to list the Top Five Reasons why Cleveland is Insane for Drafting Kyrie Irving #1 Overall (Probably).

5. The Body of Work

First of all, let's consider that this guy has played in less regular season college games than you have fingers (barring some sort of horrific birth defect or industrial accident). Now, in that brief period of time, Duke played two Top Ten teams and six cream puffs, including famous weaklings such as Princeton and Colgate. In fairness, Colgate did lead the NCAA in Cavities Fought, but that contributes little to the result of the game. In that stretch, Irving averaged 17.4 points a game, which is very good but not exactly Future Face of the Franchise (or Triple F) material.

Then he suffered a freak injury and missed most of the year. Sure, it may have been a freak injury, but with less than a dozen collegiate games under his belt, I don't feel confident that he couldn't have a repeat incident. After all, Greg Oden was a can't miss prospect who only had a freak injury during his brief one year stint at Ohio State. And in the three years since turning pro, he's played exactly one year's worth of games. And he averaged less than 24 minutes a game in those appearances, so really it's more like he played half a year's worth of games.

4. Irving vs. Williams Already Happened.

And Williams won. Big time. In almost every way you can win a basketball battle. Points, rebounds, assists (I argue 2 assists from a power forward is more impressive than 3 assists from a point guard), and the game itself. I just can't explain this one. It's a testament to overthinking, hype, and ignoring the obvious that the entirety of the NBA journalism community has overlooked this pretty substantial bit of information. And you can't pin it on Irving's teammates because, without Irving, Duke was still a top 5 basketball program for virtually the entire season.

3. Irving is the next Allen Iverson

And that is not a compliment. Sure, Allen Iverson piled some impressive stats (and an equally impressive criminal record) but what did he really accomplish? He wins one game in the NBA Finals, then the Sixers fade back into obscurity. Sure they had some winning seasons, but they never really contended. Eventually, Iverson's egomania poisoned the team and he was traded away to Denver (whom he promptly poisoned) and then again to Detroit (who he poisoned and then dragged into a black hole from which there is no escape). Then he wasted everyone's time with two consecutive failed comeback bids with the Grizzlies & Sixers (again).

What does this have to do with Irving?

Let's go back to the humiliating defeat Duke suffered at the hands of Arizona. Irving had an impressive 28 points and it looks like he was the solitary bright spot for Duke. But if you actually watched the game, you'd realize that Irving completely destroyed the chemistry that Duke had built up the entire year. Seth Curry, long distance shooter extraordinaire, was relegated to the bench entirely. Nolan Smith, who had led the team in scoring in Irving's considerable absence, was completely out of sync. Also, it's worth mentioning that this point guard only averaged 4.3 assists per game in his brief career and never reached double digits in assists. He practically has the NBA's "Give and Go" tattooed on his forehead (i.e. "Give me the ball and go to Hell"). He might make a bad team good, but he'll never make a team great.

2. There's tons of depth at Point Guard.

I can't believe the experts aren't mentioning this more often. It's simple economics. Scarcity determines value just as much as quality. There are three point guards you can legitimately consider to be centerpieces to whatever team drafts them: Kyrie Irving, Brandon Knight, and Kemba Walker. There's only one power forward that's held on similarly high regards: Derrick Williams. The Cavaliers have the 1st and 4th pick in this year's draft. If they draft Williams #1, there will be at least one of the three great point guards in this draft left for them to take. If they take Irving, they'll have their pick of household names like Jan Vessely, Enes Kanter, and Bismack Biyombo to fill the gaping void in the post.

1. His name should be pronounced "KEER-EE-AY, not CHI-REE".

Jeesh, doesn't anyone care about Ancient Greek anymore? This is your fault, Servilius Casca! You began the marginalization of Greek two thousand years ago. Did you even think that you'd be assassinating the Greek language as well as Julius Caesar?!

EMPH Turns 100!

Well, just like I promised, I took a brief hiatus for Mother's Day and now it's time to resume the Blogathon! Wait! Father's Day just passed?! Oh crap! Well, I guess the blogathon will resume now after a lengthy intermission. I lost track of the number of days I had left, but we'll just call it 10 so we can have a nice, even number to work with going forward.

For the longest time, I planned on doing something special to commemorate the 100th post on the English Muffin Power Hour. Unfortunately, I never got around to the specifics, so I'll probably give you guys a Top 5 List and throw in a funny (albeit nerdy) video at the end. Since the official start of summer is just around the corner, I present to you: the Top 5 Reasons Why Summer is the Best Season.

5. Baseball Every Day

Unlike basketball and football, you can expect there to be a baseball game on almost every single night somewhere during the summer. While it may dilute the meaning of each individual game, I think people tend to overlook the brilliance of this system. For this three month block of time, you can count on baseball on television just as sure as the sun rising to brutally scorch the morning. Want to go to the movies tonight? No problem. Baseball will welcome you back with open arms tomorrow. Football will ignore your calls for a week or two if you try to have a life outside of it. Then it will spread catty rumors about you, because football can be petty that way (but we love it anyways).

In the name of the Maddux, the Tom, and the Holy Smoltz.

"But Hunter," you say, "don't you have a passion for the Atlanta Braves that could conservatively be described as 'overzealous'? What if I don't like baseball?" First of all, the answer to both questions is "Yes" and "I forgive your blasphemy." And that's the reason why this is only #5 on the count. There are some sad souls out there, my readership included, who don't like baseball. I cannot understand why, but I pity them and the hundreds of hours of fun they miss out on.

4. Swimming Pools

Now, I haven't been to a swimming pool yet this year. This is largely because, due to marathon training, I have a terrific farmer's tan. If I went to the pool, I would look more like a gigantic Yin-Yang in trunks than an awesome dude (albeit a very handsome Yin-Yang). Pools are great for three primary reasons. First, they provide relief from the the sun's ongoing War on Happiness. Second, it is the only socially acceptable time for a grown man to go down a slide. Third, the fine honeys... I mean, working on my tan. Because that's what I do when I'm not working out at the gym. Or saving kittens from fires.

3. Longer Days

Nothing is more depressing than being trapped in perpetual darkness. It's one of the many reasons I left my job as a Morlock (also, they had horrible dental). During winter, it is so very easy to start working before dawn and not get out until after dusk. And then, when spring rolls around, daylight savings time kicks in and you still don't get used to hanging around with the sun after work and class. But in the summer, the sun is around all the time. You can ride your bike at 8 pm without any sort of ridiculous bike attachment.

2. Ice Cream Trucks

Now this one definitely hasn't been a factor for me since I was a little kid. After all, a few months after getting my driver's license, I realized that the grocery store had all the ice cream sandwiches and popsicles I could ever want. And I could get them whenever I wanted. This revelation was followed by maniacal laughter, ice cream headaches, and then stomach aches. But once I could stand up again, I also realized that I no longer needed the ice cream truck or its catchy jingles from the public domain.

So why is it #2 on the list and it front of my beloved Braves? Because no other season delivers its seasonal food to your door. There's no pumpkin pie truck in fall! There's no hot cocoa truck in winter! There's not a ham truck around Easter (although the influential House Cat Lobby is pushing for legislation to make this happen). The ice cream truck is a quintessential aspect of summer and no season can boast a similar bond between man, machine, and the tilt of the Earth's axis.

1. Adventures

The best thing about summer is it marks the return of the adventuring season. Want to hike for God Knows How Long down a trail? Sure, it's summer! Want to see if we can find an alcoholic beverage that doesn't make Hunter throw up? Why not? It's summer! Plus, there's a reliable influx of awesome people from abroad. Now, I admit, this one is here because of school. For as long as I can remember, I have been a student or been close friends with students, so I suppose life away from academia could have adventures all the time (or chronic depression). But for me, summer time has always been about spending time with truly great people (and if you read this blog, that means you). The rest of the year is filled with countless obligations that get in the way of just kicking back and enjoying life.

Blogathon Day Twelve: Don't Stop... Updating! Hold on to that blogging!

The lesson I learned today is I can only wait until 10:30 pm to consider updating my blog for about 11 days before I run out of topics that I can write about sufficiently in under an hour. So, I've decided to talk about fans who are less fortunate and have content providers who are less committed to updating their material (such as my fans, March 2008-April 2011). Here's my list of great websites that update less than I do.

1. Homestar Runner

Yeah, pretty much everyone who went to high school with a computer lab knows about the superlative comedy of Strong Bad E-mails, Teen Girl Squad, and the rest of the hijinks of Homestar Runner. I can honestly say that Teen Girl Squad is the most influential and inspiring series of doodles in my life. But what you might not know is that there have only been two new videos over the past 16 months. This is a sad day for the internet at large, because Homestar Runner is pretty much the only comedy site on the internet that is not only funny for all ages but also has the broadest appeal of comedy out there. The good news is I realize there were about 5 Strong Bad Emails that I somehow overlooked from 2009. So at least it's new to me. In fairness, they have a decent excuse because one of the brothers had a baby in 2010. I suspect his wife may have been involved in that process as well. Anyways, that's a pretty legitimate excuse to decrease production.

2. Freeman's Mind

This is my favorite non-Red vs. Blue machinima (that is to say, using video game engines as the filming engine rather than other forms of media). The premise is the videos are about the thoughts of the character Gordon Freeman as the events of the 1998 game Half Life unfold. But, here's the twist: Gordon Freeman never says anything during Half Life. He's a blank slate. All you know is he works at a science facility in Black Mesa. I think the series does a great job of humanizing the events of a video game and never gets bogged down in the endless killing (like I do when I play shooters). Unlike Homestar Runner, this series got derailed for much less legitimate reasons.

Back in the fall of 2009, the guy behind the series (I forget his name, so I'll call him Steve) got hired by Machinima.com to make more episodes of the series. This is hitting the internet jackpot because it means a company was willing to pay him legitimate wages to do videos Steve was making for fun beforehand. As a result, there was an astonishing increase in the number of Freeman's Minds that came out. I believe there were 8 in one month at one point. Unfortunately, Steve had another series: Civil Protection. You can check it out, but I wouldn't recommend it. They're generally longer and less funny than Freeman's Mind. Unsurprisingly, those videos were also much less popular. Furthermore, the process for filming that series is much more complicated and takes longer to produce. Reasonably, Machinima.com wanted him to focus his efforts on making the much more popular and simpler to produce Freeman's Mind. Steve wanted to focus on this one episode of Civil Protection and didn't like the way other people were working on it. So Steve decided to stick to his principles and quit his job making funny videos so he could make the funny videos he felt like.

The problem was the episode of Civil Protection he was working on was waaaaay too ambitious for its own good. I haven't seen it yet, because I had given up hope on it ever being done. However, I know that he left Machinima.com to work more on this one episode in October 2009. It finally got posted in late March 2011. In the meantime, this created a gigantic bottleneck for Freeman's Mind. Not only did Steve not have as much time to produce new episodes (since he left his paid job as a producer of funny videos), but what time he did have was going to a pet project. That's to say nothing of moving back and forth between places and transitioning into a new job.

I would go on with this list, but it's almost midnight and I won't stop the blogathon just yet!

The Classiest T-Shirt

Back when the blogathon first began, there was a series of natural disasters which struck the South. Dozens of people were killed and thousands of lives were changed by the tornadoes. In Ancient Greece, the only way you could respond to a tragedy of this magnitude was to offer a sacrifice to Zeus, Poseidon, or possibly Boreas and hope that the oracle saw good things coming your way. But luckily, in the modern age, you can buy a classy t-shirt instead. They are only $20 and the proceeds all go to the Red Cross.

Now for the cool part: this t-shirt (and t-shirt website) was designed by my friend and colleague Joanna Jones (whom I shall henceforth refer to as the JoBot). Now, while I was putting one foot in front of the other for two and a half hours last weekend, the JoBot was putting together an entire relief effort. They even have classy facebook badges and ways to pretty up your twitter (if only I tweeted). It blows my mind that I have friends who can do stuff like that.

Now, I'm going to go way out of my element and actually comment on fashion. This is for you, sassy fine readers. This is a classy t-shirt. It doesn't try to grad your attention with any flashy logos, crazy colors, or dudes riding a dinosaur (always a sign of high fashion), it just stands there and acts awesome. It's a nice basic color that would be real easy to accessorize to (if you are a fine honey) and won't show pizza grease that badly (if you are a dude). The simple logo means that the t-shirt can make a graceful transition to quilt form once you get tired of wearing it. Most importantly, the simple design means that less relief money is spent manufacturing the t-shirt and more money makes it to the hands of the Red Cross. Truly, this is the tuxedo/black dress of charity t-shirts.

On an unrelated note, I've spent an unusual amount of time lately talking about greater causes and charitable work. If this keeps up, people might start thinking I am a mature and socially responsible individual. I'd better start talking about video games and/or funny internet videos before I develop a reputation.

Blogathon Day Ten: Half Marathon Post-Mortem. Or is it a Post-Marathon Half Mortem?

It's been a half week since the half marathon, so I figure this is the most fitting time to do a post-mortem on the race and wrap up my coverage of the Country Music Marathon.

Biggest Mistake: I definitely made some missteps on nutrition the day of the race. Mostly, I brought entirely too much with me. I used all three shot bloks I had (which is, incidentally, one serving), but I only used one of the elctrolyte pills, one of the Gu's (because the the plural of Gu can't be Gus, that's a name), and maybe two of the fig newtons. I didn't even touch my power bar until after the race was over and even then it was just to make sure my keys were still in my pocket. It's not a mistake I regret making. I didn't want to hit the wall and have nothing up my sleeve. That would've been a disgraceful way to end the race and would have cast a pall over the entire half marathon experience.

Proudest Moment: I'm not going to say "crossing the finish" line for two reasons. One, it is cliche and everyone says that. Two, as you could tell from the video, I was strictly business when I crossed the finish line. My proudest moment was when I got the medal shortly after crossing the finish line and I realized that I had really done it. To paraphrase Lonely Island "This ain't Sea World, this is as real as it gets. I ran a Half Marathon, don't you ever forget!"

Biggest Surprise: The biggest surprise would be how many people I had to pass during the race. Part of this would happen naturally since my strategy left brief windows for nearby slowpokes to pass me. But I did not expect to pass nearly as many people as I did (since passing people was something that never came up during training). The downside is I may have rubbed elbows with people in entirely the wrong way near the end. I'm starting to suspect people might exaggerate their corral time so they can leave sooner. It's a smart move really. Get more of your run taken care of before the day truly begins. It's not like there's a bonus prize for beating your corral time. If there is, then I did not receive it on the race day and would like to inquire how I might claim my prize.

Second Biggest Surprise: That would have to be Miles 9.5 through 12.5 simply because any specific details about that stretch of road would be a surprise to me. I sincerely do not remember what happened there besides the fact that it was starting to get hot and there was no shade except for a few bridges. Special shout out goes to Sharon Perry for bringing a cold towel to me (and a rousing speech) as I passed Mile 9. The towel helped a lot, but mostly I appreciate having a clear reminder of what was happening during Mile 9.

Blogathon Day Nine: Oh Boy

So the next wave of donations has come through and it looks like the Blogathon will last at least 24 days (possibly 29 days if two people who made precise promises of donations follow through). I actually need to take some time and plan out some ideas for that many updates. It's a good problem to have but, in the short term, it means I don't have anything of substance to post tonight. So, instead, I'll leave you with five random facts which I may or may not flesh out into full blog posts at a later date.

1. Jake Locker could be this generation's Ryan Leaf. To be fair, he only has trouble hitting moving targets. If the NFL would adopt Pokemon-style rules and allow for turn-based tackling, then Locker could be the best QB ever.

Blogathon Day Eight: Not Done Yet

So, before we dive into tonight's blogathon, I'd like to talk about the blogathon itself. While the Music City Half Marathon is over (and was a huge success at that), you can still donate money to Special Kids here, and it will still go to help a great cause. I'll also continue to honor any and all donations made in the blogathon. Currently, the blogathon is staying strong at 14 days of consecutive content due. Remember, you have the power to keep the streak of awesomeness going! A special thanks goes out to everyone who has made this possible. I don't want to spoil anything, but I can confirm that there will be YouTube humiliation/hilarity because of a generous donation. It'll be a while before it's up, but it will happen.

On the topic of the blogathon, my only regret is not having this idea sooner. It's been an excellent experience not only in raising money for a great cause, but also in holding me accountable for making regular updates to the oft-neglected English Muffin Power Hour. That, in turn, has led to me actually developing a following. I won't bore you with Google Stats, but I will say that I've already had over 100 unique visitors in May alone. You know, the month we are two days into. For frame of reference, I had 107 unique visitors for the entire month of March. So whether you're one of my loyal, patient readers who put up with countless "I'll update more frequently, pinky swear" posts or a new reader who has enjoyed this Golden Age of Blogging, I appreciate your patronage.

Anyways, onto today's news. Top headline is that the finish line photos from Saturday's run are finally up! There's also video of me finishing. I have to admit, I'm surprised at how I'm all business when it comes to crossing the finish line. The first thing I do as I cross the finish line is to check my watch for my time. Then I stop running altogether, because I agreed to run 13.1 miles and not one step further. Also, it's worth noting that I started that race with my name written on some packing tape so that strangers would know who the awesome guy was. I don't really know when that fell off. I suspect it might have happened some time during the haze that is miles 9.5 through 12.5. I can't remember exactly what I did during those miles, but I'm almost certain I ran them. Just don't ask for specifics like where I was or what I was wearing. My favorite picture would have to be the close up of right after crossing the finish line (3rd & 4th picture on the first full row). I did not think I could look that cool after running that over 13 miles. I have some other marathon thoughts, but I'll save them for tomorrow's blogathon. Just like in a real marathon, a blogathon is all about pacing.

But I've still got one more treat for you. After much frustration in the computer lab, I've managed to get the remastered version of my resume tape onto YouTube. A resume tape, for those of you new to the inner workings of the news industry, is my way of demonstrating that I could cut it on TV, by showing off my writing, speaking, and shooting abilities. My first few efforts were good, but there were two stand ups I couldn't tolerate any longer. The first stand up (the part of the news story where the reporter is on camera) was removed because I didn't own a microphone at the time of filming and the audio was absolutely terrible. The second stand up didn't have any technical problems, but it was shot on the morning of the midterm project and I was scrambling because my main story had fallen through. In my haste to film a stand up, I neglected to realize my zipper wasn't all the way up and my shirt was pulled through the zipper opening. It didn't matter how clever what I had to say was, that shirt/zipper thing was all people noticed! Anyways, I finally was able to reshoot and re-edit those stand ups and make a new, improved resume tape. Enjoy!

Bin Laden stole my Blogging Thunder

Well, here I was all ready to talk about my experiences with the half marathon when Bin Laden was confirmed to be dead as a doornail. I'll still talk about the marathon and post what few pictures there are, but I feel it would be negligent to ignore the issue. Some of my peers have called this one of the biggest events of the modern day, others have said that it changes nothing. While I'm not sure if it'll be one of the biggest events in modern history, it is a gargantuan event now. Even if you ignore Bin Laden's role in the leadership and organization of terrorist activity, he was still a major symbol of defiance against the United States. His continued survival as Public Enemy #1 showed the thugs and murderers of the world that there were limits to the strength of the United States military. In the words of Johnny Cash, "You can run on for a long time, sooner or later, God'll cut you down."

This look is triumph. And a little bit of agony. Mostly triumph!

Now, on the marathon side of things, I'm extremely pleased with how I did at the race yesterday. I made my share of rookie mistakes but I'll talk about that later. I have to give credit where credit is due, I hated every moment of hill training (even the downhill minutes, because they filled you with false hope) but it paid off in a big way for the Country Music Half Marathon. I actually didn't know that the hills had begun until they were almost over (my other coach, Sharon Perry, had to tell me that during the race). The only hill which was a bit daunting was the final ascent around mile 12. But I believe that was more a product of having run 12 miles than of the hill itself. The next big surprise was how well organized the finish line was. After I crossed the finish line, I was greeted by a person handing out medals, followed by a person handing out water bottles, and then a veritable grocery store of recovery snacks. I'm also pleased to announce that I beat the historic mark and was not half dead after the half marathon. I may have been 40% dead, but that's still better than half! I was also surprised by how much I recovered today. I certainly wasn't 100%, but I was able to move around all right and still managed to fit in a thirty minute bike ride today. . Even though my legs were killing me at the end, I couldn't help but smile as soon as I got my medal. Even now, it feels so unreal that I actually ran a half marathon.

The medal is so very, very cool.

Now onto the less good. I did make a series of rookie mistakes, but nothing was too crippling. First and foremost, I definitely got caught up in the adrenaline of the start of the race and ran faster than I normally would. My first mile was completed in 10:30 and I would finish with a pace of 12:20/mile. Nothing too bad, but I definitely was running at a pace I couldn't sustain. Next, I definitely should have used the bathroom right before the race even though I didn't feel like I needed it. Around mile six, I was reminded about the cost of being very well hydrated. Luckily, I'm a guy so all that I needed to take a bathroom break was a well located tree around mile 6. Unfortunately, the ladies had to wait in a line for a port-a-john that was at least 8 people deep. That detour only cost me a minute. The last mistake is a bit hard for me to pinpoint. This is because miles 8-12 have blurred together for me. I remember running them and seeing Sharon around Mile 9, but the exact locations escape me. But I digress. By this point, we had left dawn and were dealing with full-fledged day time. This meant less shade and higher temperatures on top of the fatigue of having run 8 miles already. My strict pace of run 9 minutes, walk 1 minute had slipped to run 8 minutes, walk 2 minutes. Then it slipped to 7 and 3. There was one stretch that was 6 and 4 due to a well placed series of water tables and the need to replenish electrolytes. It was hard to start running again at that point. But I didn't fold to the convenience of walking a mile or try to convince myself to rest and get back up to full strength. I persevered and I finished strong.

I sprinted all the way down the last hill and across the finish line. The easiest part of the half marathon was getting my medal right after the finish line. The hardest part was walking back to my ride. But all that is in the past now. Six months ago, I would never have thought I could do this. But now that it's over, I've achieved my goal and no one can take that away from me

Behold! The Bumper Sticker of Destiny! It was all worth it!

I did it.

I'm more than a little exhausted, so let me cut straight to the chase: I finished the half marathon in 2:42:25, which beat the goal I set for myself. I'll have pictures and more in-depth discussion tomorrow, but right now, I just want to sleep. But, as is my particular idiom, let me hit you with some random facts from the day before I go:

• Arriving at the half marathon was a truly surreal moment. I don't get nervous often, but I was blown away by the size of the race and the fact that I was actually there. Three months ago, the idea would have been too far fetched for me to dream of. But it actually happened.
• I made my share of rookie mistakes today, but nothing was too crippling. All in all, I figure it might have cost me five minutes total. I'm very pleased by that. Nobody's perfect, but it's always great to limit your mistakes.
• The one downside to the corral system of racing is that the slower people, more likely to be destroyed by the heat, have to run during the hotter part of the day. The only solution to this problem is to construct a weather control machine.
• I tried no less than four methods of electrolyte replenishment today (Gatorade, Shot Bloks, Gu Packets, and straight up Electrolyte Tablets). Tentative Ranking: 1. Shot Bloks 2. Gatorade 3. Gu Packets 4. Electrolyte Tablets.
• The finisher's medal for the half marathon is simply incredible. It actually feels like a trophy rather than a door prize.
• I didn't even notice the hilly sections of the race until the very last part. While I hated it, I have to admit, the merciless hill training really worked.
• I was surprised by how many people just walked the last three miles of the half marathon. I understand that is the point where exhaustion sets in and you just want to stop running. But when you were so close to the end , you just can't give up. That's what Cool Runnings teaches us. When your bobsled crashes, you get out and carry it across the finish line with the rest of the band of Jamaican misfits.
• True Story: Just as I was beginning the last hill, my iPod shuffled to the Rocky Theme (Gonna Fly Now by Bill Conti). Best. Shuffle. Ever.
• Most importantly, there was never any point during the race where I thought I couldn't finish.

Blogathon Day Five: Double Check

Two Brooks Ghost 3 Running Shoes: Check
Two Underamor Running Socks: Check
Track Shorts: Check
Blue Running Shirt: Check
Special Kids Singlet: Check
Two 10 oz bottles of Gatorade & Water Harness: Check
Four Shot Blok Electrolyte Cubes: Check
Three Electrolyte Tablets: Check
One Zone Bar: Check
Eight Fig Newtons: Check
Vaseline: Check
Race Number: Check
Timing Card: Check
Sunglasses: Check
Finisher's Medal: Pending

Blogathon Day Four: Get Settled In

Thanks to the most recent wave of donations, it looks like the blogathon will go on for another 6 days, bringing it to a total of 12 days in a row. For frame of reference, even if another penny is never raised for Special Kids, I will have blogged as much by mid-May as I did in all of 2010. Hurray charity! So everyone should get settled in, these daily updates will continue for a while.

The big event tonight was I carboloaded for the first time. Well, intentionally anyways. It turns out that I'm a natural at eating a bunch of Italian food. I also got my yellow Team ASK Jersey. I still can't believe the day is almost here.

Oh and there was a small NFL Draft today, but who cares about that? I know I don't. At least, I don't care about it as much as I normally care about sports (i.e. fanatically intense devotion which borders on zealotry). This is largely because the Draft isn't sports, it's kindergarten. No matter how big a mistake a team makes at the draft, Mel Kiper Jr. et al will still talk about how it's the best possible move the team could make. Think I exaggerate? Behold, Kiper's spin on JaMarcus Russell:



"Within three years, he could be one of the Top Five quarterbacks in the NFL." Or he could be a flabby codeine-addict who is widely considered to be the worst pick of the past ten years. Really, I can see how closely those two are related. And this is done for every pick all night long. Who needs competition? After all, if the team had fun making their pick, does it matter who wins? Well, it turns out it doesn't because the announcer's booth declares that every team is a winner anyways. And then they say it's now snack time. Animal crackers and juice boxes are distributed to all. If everyone cleans up their mess, they might even get to play kickball at recess.

What I'm trying to say is that the new CBA had better include a provision for ESPN providing the crowd with juice boxes and animal crackers. And maybe a few kickballs. Don't go half way on this kindergarten thing, guys.

P.S. They could probably get Peyton Manning to endorse the juice boxes and animal crackers. After all, small children are about the only demographic Manning hasn't made commercials for.

Blogathon Day Three: Heart of Glass

Today, I had my heart broken by a selfish, reckless person and I don't know if I can ever forgive that person for what happened.

By heart, I mean "driver side window". Sorry, if that first sentence was a bit misleading. But tell me, what is the driver side window if not the heart of the drive-through industry? And can you really blame me for incorporating an awesome song by Blondie in the title? But I digress.

Hastily taken before the next wave of storms.

 This morning, when I went to run a package by the post office, I found the Huntersaurus Rex (yes, I've named my car) was wounded. The heart or "driver side window" was obliterated. As you can see from the picture, there is nothing left to the window. You may know that auto glass is called tempered glass and is treated with a variety of chemicals during its manufacture to make it more durable. It also makes it shatter into a billion pieces when broken. Here's a view of when I opened my car door:

So I might need to lay down a towel or something...

Now, I had no idea what did this. My first thought was it was the storm that completely screwed up Toots and wreaked havoc on the entire Southeast today. But if it was just the wind, it didn't break the rear window at all. Then I thought it might have been a thief, except that nothing valuable (or worthless, for that matter) was taken. However, I didn't have time to play detective because the second of many storm waves was rolling in quickly. Typically, the best approach would be to cover the window with a big black trash bag and duct tape. Unfortunately, I had neither of those and no way to get them quickly. So I scrambled to find smaller white trash bags and packing tape. By this point, it had begun raining. So I had to fumble with the roll of packing tape and to try to attach to separate bags to a slick steel surface. It was not my most graceful moment. Fortunately, I jury rigged a truly hideous set up that would keep 95% of the rain out of my car for upwards of an hour. I had figured that the most likely cause was a small piece of debris (like a pebble) had crashed into my driver side window and then the 50 MPH winds took care of the rest.

I was content with that explanation until I went to recover my Nalgene bottle from the car (broken glass is no excuse for poor hydration). It seems that the Nalgene was not the only bottle in my car. When I opened my passenger door, I noticed an empty 40 oz bottle of Natural Light on the floor. Now, those of you who know me know that 40 ounces is more beer than I have drunk in my life, cumulatively (unlike running, I doubt that will change). 

Exhibit A: the messed up label

Now, it is possible that the 40 was a piece of debris that broke my window and no person was responsible. However, it is a well known fact that bottles are not designed for their aerodynamic shape. I'm no The-Guys-From-Mythbusters, but it seems like you'd need a ton of lift in order to get a beer bottle high enough to reach the window. Seems much more likely that it would shatter against the side of the car. Likewise, I doubt that the person who did this was doing it out of some personal vendetta. Mostly because the people who have sworn vendettas against me would not let me get off this easily (only one broken window and no hidden explosives? If this really was you, Vladimir Putin, you've gotten sloppy). Odds are that it was just some drunk (based on how empty the 40 was) being a selfish, short-sighted idiot (a well known side effect of drinking). 

But did you really have to aim for the window, random passing drunk? I mean, if you wanted to see glass shatter, you could just have thrown the bottle against a brick wall. The bottle's made of glass too, you know.

P.S. I originally intended for this post to be under 300 words long. Apparently, once I get started talking, I do not stop.

P.P.S. I don't think that last note surprised anyone who has ever had a conversation with me in a group setting.

Blogathon Day Two: Top Five Things I Learned from Half Marathon Training

Tomorrow, I'm going to try updating before the 11th hour. But, the 11th hour still counts as today and I'm a man of my word. So, just a reminder that if you want to blogathon to keep going, please donate to Special Kids. Let's keep the blogathon moving by bringing back everyone's favorite new series: the Top Five!

As you may have guessed by reading the subject, I'm going to be discussing the Top Five things I learned while training for this Saturday's race. Unfortunately, it's 11:40 as I write this. So I'll actually have to be succinct.

5. Never ever, ever order soda at a restaurant. For starters, it's well over two dollars for a soda at most restaurants these days so you're better off saving your money. But, on topic, hydration is essential for any sort of distance running. While getting a Nalgene water bottle has been a big help, I've found it's just as useful to order water instead of soda when I eat out. Not only am I drinking healthier and cutting out a major cause of calories, but it also prevents you from collapsing into a sweaty heap in the middle of your run. Mind you, you'll still be sweaty, but at least you won't be a heap.


4. Purple Diet Gatorade tastes exactly like Grape Koolaid. In the words of the Kool Aid Man, "OH YEAH!".

Blogathon Day One: And I Would Walk 500 More

We are underway for the 2011 Blogathon. For every ten dollars that you donate to Special Kids, I will make a new update on consecutive days. And there are a variety of other hilarious and humiliating things you can make me do while benefiting charity! Right now, the Blogathon is at Six Days long and counting.  Any donation you can make will be greatly appreciated. If I were more clever, I would design some type of banner to signify this event. But I digress. The Blogathon is spontaneously clever rather than clever in its strong planning and solid design.

Now, onto the main event. I figured I'd talk a while about how training went and how the good people at Team ASK were absolutely essential to my success. As I mentioned last time, running was not so much a hobby for me as it was my archenemy. I'd try taking it up from time to time, but it'd always end the same way: about three quarters of a mile of intense effort, followed by a quarter mile of seriously reevaluating my decision. In the months before signing up for the half marathon, I had taken up biking and loved it. While I was wrong about how much it helped, my skill at biking did a lot to convince me to try running. However, I'll talk about my motivations for running the half marathon another time.

My first Saturday run with Team ASK was a glorious, well intentioned disaster. I had gotten an awesome track suit at Belk's for under $20. It pays to wait until mid-February to get your winter apparel. I had my newish Nikes and had a lot of biking under my belt. I was convinced I would tear up the four mile run that my coach, Margaret Clark, had scheduled for that Saturday morning. I couldn't have been more wrong. As always, I got through the first three quarter miles just fine. And then the fourth quarter rolled around and I remembered just why every other attempt at running failed miserably. Typically, this would be where I started walking the rest of the way and declare it a moral victory. Fortunately, Margaret would have none of that. And this is where the insight started to roll in. Rather than just tell me to suck it up or run harder, Margaret gave me the first of three great pieces of advice that day: try running two minutes then walking one minute.