So I'm not doing so great on keeping up with the week by week of fantasy football. I blame grad school expecting me to study and Residential Life expecting me to work. Very few of my afternoons can be spent blogging about fantasy football as a result. Also, by sheer coincidence, I won each of the week's I didn't update. So this post is my offering to the fantasy gods and also my scapegoat if I lose this weekend. For those of you who care, I did, in fact, crush the Beamn in both leagues this past weekend. It was beautiful. I'm 6-0 versus the Bean family this year and improve to 17-2 all time against the Bean.
So let's do this rapidfire style.
Week 8
Pimp: Doug Martin. Seriously, I wrote an entire blog post about how amazing he is. This guy was my boy all preseason long and he's made it rain points for my team all year long too. 34 points against the Vikings, how could he possibly get better?
Gimp: More Dr Pepper, the entire team. Not only did Sam's team fail to beat Bean in a week he was vulnerable (only 85 points), but his team put up a performance so pitiful that victory would be virtually impossible in any week. Special commendation goes to Antonio Gates, who truly saw his era of Tight End dominance go down the drain. Rob Gronkowski outscored Gates by a sum of 26 to 1. It was not a battle so much as a massacre. Maybe Gates was trying to pull an Obi-Wan and by striking him down, he would become more powerful than Gronk could ever imagine.
Week 9
Pimp: Doug Martin AGAIN! Doug Martin II: The Muscle Hamster Strikes Back, Doug Martin II: Hamster Harder or channel my Christopher Nolan and just call it The Muscle Hamster. The point is that Doug Martin provided the rare sequel that is better than the original in all regards. Doug Martin looked upon 214 total yards and two touchdowns in Week 8 and said "Mere child's play! It is time that I took matters seriously". Thus began the ruination of the Oakland Defense. The entire countryside was laid to waste before the Muscle Hamster's onslaught, down to their last lizard. He had 272 total yards and no less than 4 touchdowns for a grand total of 57 points, which is the highest single player total in Iron Dirigible history. Now, people who are addicted to sabermetrics might point out that if Doug Martin scored 0 points, I still would have won handily by a score of 88-81. But the fact of the matter is this is the single best performance in Iron Dirigible history.
Gimp: Percy Harvin of Team Gray. Harvin has had a great season up until this point. All he needed to seal a Team Gray victory was four points. So naturally, he scores three points, fumbles the ball, and twists his ankle to leave with one point.
Week 10
Pimp: Tony Gonzalez of the West Katzen Maus Munchers. For an unheralded tenth round pick who was clearly past his prime and ready to ride off into the sunset, Gonzo has been pretty dominant all season long. Although he wasn't the highest scorer on the Maus Munchers, his two touchdown, 24 point performance was the most surprising. Also, the Maus Munchers are the first team in the league to lockdown a winning record despite receiving a "D" in Drafting, proving that professor is a no-talent moron.
Gimp: As much as I would love to point out that Bean's team only scored 62 points and I nearly doubled his point total and that got exactly 1 point from both his starting running backs, I'm afraid that someone is even worse than that. Eli Manning, 25th overall pick, has scored 10 points over the past three games. Not averaging 10 points a game, which would be awful and put him just ahead of Ryan Tannehill for 27th in average QB scoring, 10 points total over three weeks. Over this period of sheer terribleness, Eli has sunk his average from 17 points a game (which is good for 11th overall) all the way down to 12.9 points a game (which is good for 22nd overall). The most troubling trend is Eli is getting worse: 5 points against Dallas, 3 points against Pittsburgh, and just 2 points against Cincinnati, which includes no less than 3 turnovers. It wouldn't surprise me if he scored 0 points this week!
Matchup of the Week: It a tie between McLovin vs Godfearers and Team Gray vs the Pimpmasters. Why? Because they both feature the same storyline. One 4-6 team desperately trying to avoid drowning in the cellar of the league and missing the sweet playoffs and one 5-5 team trying to keep their head above water. A loss for one 4-6 team and a win for the other just about sinks their playoff chances. A win for the 5-5 team and a loss from my team means that the second bye week spot is wide open. Anything can happen in the last few weeks. Except for the Baron missing the playoffs. I'm pretty sure 7 wins will guarantee you a spot in the top 6 in our league.
P.S. Apparently my definition of rapidfire is just south of 900 words. Awesome.
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