The Greatest Day of the Year

Why is today the greatest day of the year? Because it's the longest possible time before February comes back, in all its malarial terror. Now, you're probably wondering why I haven't blogged in nearly a month. In large part, it's because I picked the Super Bowl wrong AGAIN (I may have only made predictions the last two years, but still, a streak is a streak). The worst part was the way the Steelers self-destructed. They shot themselves in the foot, stumbled all the way back to one possession within victory, then shot themselves in the other foot. At that point, I realized the I had angered mighty Februus and promptly went into hiding in my February-proofed bunker. How do you February-proof a bunker?

1. Tear off the month of February from any calendars. So very few people realize that calendars are the number one way that February is transmitted. It turns out that if you call it "Smarch" then it loses a great deal of its other-worldly power.




2. Do not celebrate any of February's Holidays. I hate this one, but even the slightest trace of February can become a full blown infection and compromise the security of your bunker. So, rather than celebrate President's Day, celebrate Washington's and Lincoln's birthdays individually, just like the Founding Father's intended. Freeloaders like James Buchanan, James Madison, and James Garfield can have their own holiday (tentative title: Jamestoberfest).

3. Do not blog about your undying hatred of February. Seriously, it makes you a lightning rod for February's wrath. Had I continued my list, odds are a coalition of mosquitoes, groundhogs, and U.S. Presidents named James would've dragged me off and beaten me within an inch of my life. Some of you might point out that Jimmy Carter is the only surviving James-in-Chief. Those people have clearly never seen Ghostbusters. Ghosts, especially ones which have wielded executive power (such as Zuul), can mess you up.

However, enough about February. I hear that if you say it's name three times in a row to a mirror, you get transported back to February 1st. Instead, to make amends for my lengthy unannounced hiatus, I will do something that I have never done before and likely will never do again: comment on the world of fashion.


That sound you heard? It was the universe collapsing. I'm doing this for you, sassy fine honeys who read this blog. You had better appreciate it! Or, at the very least, not text mean things about it to each and every girl in town. Because that would hurt my macho, stoic feelings (possibly resulting in a single tear flowing down my cheek). But I digress. It seems that John Galliano (some dude) is going to be fired by Christian Dior (another dude) because the former dude said something along the lines of "Hitler was Right!". Here are my thoughts on the matter (in ascending order of hilarity):

1. The article mentions that "Police arrested him on charges of assault and making anti-Semitic comments". Apparently, in France, it is a crime to make unpopular remarks. Who could have guessed that France would be the first country to go public with its Thought Police?
2. "Nazism is the new black" ~the only defense he can muster which might hold water
3. "I don't know what's tackier: his political beliefs or his mustache!" ~Some sassy fly honey
4. I guess you could call him a "fashist"!