The Top Five Sandwich Shoppes in Murfreesboro. Or, SUCK IT SUBWAY!

So far, today has been crazy productive and I've decided to extend that productivity to the blogosphere via osmosis. I also want to continue my favorite hobby: starting up new features on the blog and then never doing them again! So today's feature will be The Top Five or the Most Common Non-Pornographic Thing on the Internet.

Over the past few weeks, I've noticed a blight spreading across Murfreesboro. And no, it's not the awesome Blight from Dragon Age that involves lots of swords and fireballs and epic quests across the land. This is a scourge of sub-par sub sandwiches. I speak of the rise of Subway. In the past three months, no less than four new Subways have opened. How does this keep happening? I understand that part of the problem is that there is a cultural stigma around eating at home in Murfreesboro and, to avoid the shame, most families eat out all the time. How else can you explain the hundreds of restaurants all over? But even then, you'd think the sheer level of competition would discourage Subway from multiplying like vermin. Whatever the case, here are five sandwich shops that are substantially better than Subway in almost every way (save for numerical advantage and geographic convenience).

The sandwich shoppes are evaluated on the five most important properties of sandwichology, according the the Luncheon Institute of Hunteria. Each category will be ranked on a scale of 1-5, because I have a theme going, with five being the most awesome and 1 being the most anti-awesome:

1. Deliciousness- The sheer quality of the sandwich
2. Speed- How quickly the sandwich is made
3. Price- Or how many hours you have to work for your sandwich
4. Deliciosity- This is the product of deliciousness times price times velocity then divided by pi (for dessert)
5. Coke- The availability of Coca-Cola products or, barring that, a delicious fruit punch.

Incidentally, this also is my list for Best Cheesesteaks in Murfreesboro too. It's probably coincidence.

5. Penn Station

Penn Station has one of the best sandwiches in Murfreesboro. If it didn't, it wouldn't be on this list (unless this whole thing is meant to be ironic). But by that, I mean it is bigger and tastier than almost every other sandwich on the list. The problem is it's also substantially more expensive than every other sandwich on the list and your sub won't be done in a timely fashion. Then the drink situation is a complete disaster. Not only is it not a Coke place, it also lacks even the most basic delicious fruit punch.

Deliciousness: 5
Speed: 2
Price: 2
Deliciosity: 6.36
Coke: 1
Total: 16.36

4. Newk's

Located in the Avenue Shopping Center, Newk's is a cafe that can't decide whether it wants to be formal or casual, so it does both. While its sandwiches aren't as big as Penn Station, they have much more variety due to their delicious soups and salads. Like a strong offensive line in football is to a quarterback, a strong soup can make a good sandwich great and a great sandwich legendary. As an added perk, the half sandwich & coup of soup combo is cheaper than a regular sized sandwich at Penn Station. The drinks, however, are a mixed hat. While it is a Coke place with Dr Pepper (which is full credit), it suffers when it comes to sizing. You have two choices for a cup: ridiculously tiny water cup (~6 oz) or more soda than any human should drink in one sitting (~32 oz). On the bright side, service is surprisingly quick.

Deliciousness: 4
Speed: 3
Price: 4
Deliciosity: 15.28
Coke: 4
Total: 30.28




3. Jersey Mike's

Jersey Mike's in unique in that, while it's never held the position of Top Sandwich Shoppe, it's also never left the Top 3. It is consistently very good and very reasonable. Shockingly, it's cheesesteak is not the best sandwich on the menu. That honor belongs to the chicken parmesan sub. Sadly, it is not a coke place, but it gets two bonus points for having not one but two delicious fruit punches. It can take a little while for a hot sandwich to get done, but it's nothing too bad.

Deliciousness: 5
Speed: 3
Price: 4
Deliciosity: 19.11
Coke: 3
Total: 34.11

2. Which Wich?

There's almost nothing bad I can say about Which Wich. It is delicious, it has the biggest sandwich menu I've ever seen, and the best pricing system I've ever seen. For starters, it's affordable (with the most expensive regular sandwich being $6). Second, it's straightforward. Every sandwich is five dollars, except for the Wicked Wich at $6. And they don't screw around with trying to convey a complicated order to a server. You just fill out a form on a bag detailing exactly what you want. Not only is it unambiguous, it leaves a paper trail so there is absolutely no chance of a foul up. The catch is that Which Wich is so wildly popular that there's always a line that slows down your order. The only controllable blemish there is that they serve Mr Pibb rather than Dr Pepper. Who authorized that decision? Everyone knows that Dr Pepper is better in every conceivable way. Why would you ever choose Mr Pibb?!


Deliciousness: 5
Speed: 4
Price: 5
Deliciosity: 31.85
Coke: 4
Total: 49.85

1. Opah's Greek Grill

This is the only local restaurant to grace the list, so suck it Azerbaijani readership. It's a small restaurant near the Old Fort Parkway and it has the best sandwiches ever. First of all, it's the best darn cheesesteak in Murfreesboro. The meat is carved fresh off a spit (also, a modern restaurant uses a spit!) and grilled up before your eyes. While they don't have Which Wich's brilliant menu organization, they do a good job of not putting anything on the sandwich you don't ask for. It's cheap, it's fast, it makes gyros (which include lamb meat) actually tasty, and it's probably the healthiest cheesesteak you can make. And to top it all off, in defiance of SNL sketches, they have Coke (and Dr Pepper!) rather than Pepsi and french fries rather than chips. I suspect that they might not actually be Greek or at least were forced to flee the country for treason.

Deliciousness: 5
Speed: 5
Price: 5
Deliciosity: 39.81
Coke: 5
Total: 59.81