Blogathon Day Three: Heart of Glass

Today, I had my heart broken by a selfish, reckless person and I don't know if I can ever forgive that person for what happened.

By heart, I mean "driver side window". Sorry, if that first sentence was a bit misleading. But tell me, what is the driver side window if not the heart of the drive-through industry? And can you really blame me for incorporating an awesome song by Blondie in the title? But I digress.

Hastily taken before the next wave of storms.

 This morning, when I went to run a package by the post office, I found the Huntersaurus Rex (yes, I've named my car) was wounded. The heart or "driver side window" was obliterated. As you can see from the picture, there is nothing left to the window. You may know that auto glass is called tempered glass and is treated with a variety of chemicals during its manufacture to make it more durable. It also makes it shatter into a billion pieces when broken. Here's a view of when I opened my car door:

So I might need to lay down a towel or something...

Now, I had no idea what did this. My first thought was it was the storm that completely screwed up Toots and wreaked havoc on the entire Southeast today. But if it was just the wind, it didn't break the rear window at all. Then I thought it might have been a thief, except that nothing valuable (or worthless, for that matter) was taken. However, I didn't have time to play detective because the second of many storm waves was rolling in quickly. Typically, the best approach would be to cover the window with a big black trash bag and duct tape. Unfortunately, I had neither of those and no way to get them quickly. So I scrambled to find smaller white trash bags and packing tape. By this point, it had begun raining. So I had to fumble with the roll of packing tape and to try to attach to separate bags to a slick steel surface. It was not my most graceful moment. Fortunately, I jury rigged a truly hideous set up that would keep 95% of the rain out of my car for upwards of an hour. I had figured that the most likely cause was a small piece of debris (like a pebble) had crashed into my driver side window and then the 50 MPH winds took care of the rest.

I was content with that explanation until I went to recover my Nalgene bottle from the car (broken glass is no excuse for poor hydration). It seems that the Nalgene was not the only bottle in my car. When I opened my passenger door, I noticed an empty 40 oz bottle of Natural Light on the floor. Now, those of you who know me know that 40 ounces is more beer than I have drunk in my life, cumulatively (unlike running, I doubt that will change). 

Exhibit A: the messed up label

Now, it is possible that the 40 was a piece of debris that broke my window and no person was responsible. However, it is a well known fact that bottles are not designed for their aerodynamic shape. I'm no The-Guys-From-Mythbusters, but it seems like you'd need a ton of lift in order to get a beer bottle high enough to reach the window. Seems much more likely that it would shatter against the side of the car. Likewise, I doubt that the person who did this was doing it out of some personal vendetta. Mostly because the people who have sworn vendettas against me would not let me get off this easily (only one broken window and no hidden explosives? If this really was you, Vladimir Putin, you've gotten sloppy). Odds are that it was just some drunk (based on how empty the 40 was) being a selfish, short-sighted idiot (a well known side effect of drinking). 

But did you really have to aim for the window, random passing drunk? I mean, if you wanted to see glass shatter, you could just have thrown the bottle against a brick wall. The bottle's made of glass too, you know.

P.S. I originally intended for this post to be under 300 words long. Apparently, once I get started talking, I do not stop.

P.P.S. I don't think that last note surprised anyone who has ever had a conversation with me in a group setting.