Baseball Tragedy

This evening I, like every red-blooded American, watched the All-Star game. If you didn't watch it because you were doing something more patriotic such as beating up the King of England/Kaiser of Germany or creating an engine which runs on apple pie and dreams, I'll fill you in.

It's a tragedy. I don't mean the play (although as of this post, Dan Uggla of the Marlins is trying his best to lose it for the NL). I mean the 7th inning stretch.

It is an American tradition that after the top of every 7th inning, the crowd sings "take me out to the ballgame" because you will look completely insane if you ever try to sing that song elsewhere. It's been that way for 100 years.

But tonight, they decided to sing "God Bless America", a trend that grows increasingly popular since 9/11. Now I am as patriotic as the next guy, probably even more so (who else can claim to have fought the Nazis, terrorists, and the space monsters which threaten the democracy of the future). But you have to draw the line. America gets it respect at the start of every game, when everyone in the ballpark removes their cap and pays their respect. If they don't, the crowd will sense a traitor in their midst, and rip him or her limb from limb is a bloody spectacle.

Or at least, that's how I imagine it. No one has been bold enough to defy the National Anthem at a Major League Park.

The problem is that "God Bless America" is not quite thematic. Sure it's a catchy song, but what's it got to do with baseball? We're entering the final two and a half innings of play, in a battle that will settle which geographic region of the country is better at recruiting a baseball team for all time (or the next game)? Nothing! But "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" is a dream come true. Why? Because you are at the ballgame. Why else would you be singing this song? All you need are some peanuts, which are conveniently located at the concession stand for the bargain price of $5.

A rip-off? Not according to capitalism!

And if the home team wins (because, no doubt, you root-root-rooted for them) there is a legitimate chance there will be fireworks.

Capitalism and explosions. All thanks to one glorious song. Nothing could be more American. Not even America.