Iron Dirigible Week 1 & Week 2 Double Pack

For reasons of wanting to do something special for my 150th Blog Post (btw, mission accomplished! I got so many compliments on the Hunger Games article from people I didn't even know read my blog), I did not get around to discussing Week 1 of Iron Dirigible in a timely fashion. I know, many of you are crestfallen, and by many, I mean "the seven other people in the league plus the handful of my friends who are equally football crazy". So I'm going to do the awards for Week 1, Week 2 and the Week 3 previews all in one swoop. If I don't do it today, it's not going to happen in a timely fashion either. Quick glance at my schedule for the enxt 36 hours: office hours, class, class, errands, Borderlands 2, sleep, tutoring, Borderlands 2, lunch, Borderlands 2, Office Hours, Senate, then friends over for football (editor's note: this schedule has now been thrown completely out of whack, just roll with it). Since time is of the essence, let's dive right in to the Pimps of the Week and the Gimps of the Week for Week 1!

Borderlands 2 forces me to make the hardest choice of my life: big guns, many guns, or guns & also swords.
I am paralyzed by indecision.
P.S. Is it sexist that the lady has the least number number of guns & swords and thus least appealing to me?
P.P.S. Is it a Freudian thing that all the guys in the pictures have swords and guns and the lady has a round glowy ball of death?
P.P.P.S OH GOD! WE'RE AT INCEPTION LEVEL OF OVERTHINKING! ONE LEVEL MORE AND WE'RE TRAPPED FOREVER!
P.P.P.P.S BWAAAAM! BWAAAAAAAM! BWAAAAAAM!!!!

The Hunger Games: A 150th Post Extravaganza

That's right! I'm delaying talking about Fantasy Football to finally talk about the Hunger Games! I have no idea how I'm going to broach the subject, but I'll do this the EMPH way: with very little forethought and a great deal of digressions with the illusion of order!

I'm partial to this logo. It's simple, classy and has meaning to the story.

What I Think of the Series as a Whole

I'll start this off with a bold statement: I think The Hunger Games is significantly better than Harry Potter. For starters, Katniss never uses a time machine to solve all her problems and then never mention it again. Secondly, The Hunger Games brilliantly use Latin and classical history and Harry Potter has all the subtlety of a freight train with Latin. Seriously, the main evil family is led by Lucius Malfoy (translated: Satan McBadguy, because Lucius is one step away from Lucifer) and his eldest son, Draco Malfoy (translated: Satan McBadguy Jr., because Draco means dragon and dragons historically are the very incarnation of the Devil). I will talk more about Latin later, because this is really one of the highlights of the book. But back on point, I think The Hunger Games is substantially more relatable than Harry Potter and its story is much more focused and relies less on deus ex machina to resolve the plot. For starters, Katniss's unhappy starting place is a lot more believable and a lot more sad than Harry's. Her family lives in poverty and was pushed to the brink of starvation due to the untimely death of her father in a mining accident, which forces her to assume more responsibility than a teen girl should. Harry's sad place is an evil wizard killed his parents before he ever met them and now he must live with his comically abusive aunt and uncle where they force him to live under the staircase instead of one of the extra rooms they have, because they are jerks and Child Services doesn't exist in this universe and literally no one has ever asked Harry about his well-being. Then one day, Hagrid shows up and tells Harry that he's a wizard and also he's the wizard of destiny and also his parents left him a fortune in wizard gold but lacked the foresight to convert any of their money into wealth their son could use OR consider leaving him in the care of someone who wasn't estranged from the family. Whereas Katniss has to overcome her obstacles by playing things smart and surviving, at least until thefirst half of Mockingjay, Harry overcomes his obstacles through things he had no control over. Boy, it sure is fortunate that it turns out that Harry's very touch kills Voldemort and that Voldemort forgot about this. One good avada cadavra spell from Quirrell and it's a 1 volume story. It's also a good thing that Dumbledore's phoenix can apparently find its way into long hidden and forgotten chambers so that Harry can literally pull a magic sword from a hat. I could do this all day, but I won't.

NBC WANTS me to share this video

So I just got out of my first staff meeting and got to see my beloved Steeles punt to Peyton Manning and the lightly less beloved Broncos (btw, they've been recommunicated with Church of Hunterian Football after renouncing the McDaniels Heresy and purging the Tebow Apostasy from the team). Anyways, as Peyton Manning took the field, they began playing that xylophone part from "Somebody that I Used to Know". It could be a popular song OR IT COULD BE THE GREATEST INSIDE JOKE EVER. Behold:

Iron Dirigible Week 1: This is all Obamunism's Fault

I had plans, you know. I was going to talk about The Hunger Games and then hype the first week of football after that. But NO! Somebody had to give his acceptance speech on Thursday and the NFL decided it would look really bad for American culture when football absolutely crushed the President of the United States in the ratings department. So now I have to once again eschew talking about the tale of Katniss Everdeen because I am all about punctuality on this blog.

What? If I say it enough times, it has to be true, right?

I am reluctantly ready for some football! A Wednesday Night Happenstance!

Normally, I start by recapping last week's games, talking about the major disappointments and the major surprises (lovingly known as Pimp of the Week & Gimp of the Week). However, the closest thing to a game we've had in the past month was the draft. And the last time I discussed that event, it took over 5,000 words and discredited me with virtually every fine honey within a 20 mile radius. So let's not repeat that. I sorta want to be done writing this post before the NFL season kicks off. Let's dive right into the match-ups!

By the way, fun bit of trivia: George R.R. Martin, author of A Game of Thrones and all its wonderful sequels, is a HUGE New York Giants fan.

Also, if you're so moved by my discussions of Iron Dirigible that you just have to see what all the fuss is about, you can visit the league here.

Iron Dirigible Draft 2012

You know what this blog needs? MORE SPORTS TALK! But not just any sports talk, I need something that is both abstract in concept and requires an immensely deep understanding of a particular sport. This leaves only one logical option: FANTASY FOOTBALL!!

P.S. It's more fun if you imagine me saying "Fantasy Football" in the Denzel Crocker "Fairy Godparents" voice.
P.P.S. This blog has started out with me discussing sports trivia and a tacit admission of watching Nickelodeon as late as high school. I am seriously not making good decision re: the Fine Honeys.

This blog post is spiraling out of control and heading to a very dark place. I'd better engage in some course correction stat. Save me, Peeta Mellark!

 "This bread is like our district: soft and white."~Peeta Mellark
What?! You were supposed to help me, Peeta. Noooooooo!

Okay, so quoting Peeta isn't helping me at this precise moment. I'm just going to back away slowly now. Hunger Games, you'll get your day. Soon. You're the blog update that the English Muffin Power hour deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll postpone it, because you can take it. Because you're not a hero. You're a silent protector. A watchful guardian. A dark knight.

Anyways, earlier this month, I held the 6th annual Iron Dirigible Draft at my apartment, because I was straight power tripping. Additionally, it was the largest attended draft in our brief history. We had 6 of the league's 8 members gathered in one place at one time. And when you consider that Sam never shows up for the draft, it's pretty good to only be missing one guy. Let me say, nothing compares with drafting with your friends in person, all together. My personal highlight of the night was when Pimpmaster Doug took Brandon Lloyd the pick before me, I shouted "Are you a wizard?!" because that was the second pick of mine he stole from under my nose out of a possible three times that night.

Anyways, on topic, the point is I'd thought I'd do a quick recap of the draft. I figure I'd do rounds 1-4 individually, rounds 5-12 by pairs, and rounds 13-16 as one big group because drafts become increasingly desperate and therefore less controversial. Also, it makes a nice bit of symmetry in that I will do exactly 9 recaps and that appeases my neurotic side. Plus there will be nine recaps to counter the nine Black Riders of Mordor, so that's nice.

"Did he just make a Lord of the Rings reference right after inadvertantly dissing The Hunger Games AND quoting The Dark Knight?"
"Yeah, I think he did. Player does not have his head in the game today."

N.B. This draft took place on August 9th, because it was the last day everyone was going to be in town. So a number of picks look really silly in hindsight.

Things Went Horribly Right

So, in a change of pace, I'm actually going to talk about myself on my blog. I know, it's shocking, scandalous and uncalled for on every level. Unexplained month-long hiatuses are nothing new to the English Muffin Power Hour (sadly). But this time there is an actual legitimate explanation.

People who have been keeping up with me know that on July 31st, I was offered and accepted the position of Resident Director at Corlew Hall. Literally the only downside to this job was that training officially began about 18 hours after I was offered the job. In some ways, it's awesome to be the first alternate. In other ways, it can really, really suck. In the weeks since then, I've been swamped almost every single day. If I've not been swamped, I've been desperately trying to recover from being swamped. Or playing Starcraft 2. I won't lie to you, in the early days, playing Starcraft 2 was time that probably could've been spent better blogging or something. But you live and you learn. Plus, I couldn't say no to Tychus's voice.

"Jimmeh boy, nothing says I can't fufill my obligations to the survival of the human race and get paid at the same time." ~Tychus

When I started with RD training, it was a lot of 9-4:30 days in a row, which was a bit of a jarring transition from summer break. Nothing I couldn't handle. But then RA training started and the 8 hour days became eleven hour days with some extra curicculars. That was brutal. But it's over and I'm back to the sweet 3 hour days with some classes and a few extra projects. So I'm going to give a brief recap of the good, the bad, and the ugly of the past month of being an RD.

The Good

• I'm enjoying a level of freedom, autonomy, responsibility, and respect far greater than anything I have previously experienced.
• White Parking Pass
• My co-workers are some of the most outgoing and clever people I've met outside of the Brain Trust (you know if you're in the Brain Trust).
• White Parking Pass
• A free apartment conveniently located next door to the building where all my classes are
• I went to the Pizza Hut Buffet during the middle of the busiest school day at MTSU and my parking spot was there when I came back. That's power you can't buy. That's the power of faculty parking.
• I'm get paid in apartments and American currency to update my blog during "Office Hours". (NB: Yes, I've finished all my busy work creating flyers and updating rosters. FYI, nothing trumps a penguin wearing sunglasses)

"You DARE challenge me in my domain?! This shall be a rap battle... FOR THE AGES!!"

The Bad

• Somehow, it has gone from August 1st to August 28th in the span of about a week. I think the space-time continuum has been damaged.
• I haven't had a day devoid of professional obligations since August 11th and most of those days were long.
• My bathroom has all the luxuries and amenities reserved for minimum security prisons.
• I guess ice cubes could be easier to access?

The Ugly

• The aforementioned crate of dirty clothes. There were green cartoon stink lines emanating from the box. I had to get a hazmat suit before I was legally allowed to start my laundry.

So the net effect of this is that there will be substantially more blogging. Why? Because blogging is indistinguishable from writing important emails about the state of residential life. Also, I got to fill 3 hours a day somehow.

Speaking of which, there are 90 minutes left today and I just finished my last goal...

I guess I'll finish listening to George Washington: A Life or something...