I honestly cannot describe how much I dislike this video, which is a real thing made by people who work for George Lucas and were paid money to do so. Every second, no, every frame grates my nerves. From the stupid announcer to the way it highlights all the worst things about Episode 1 (Jar Jar, kid Anakin, Darth Maul dying), every single thing in this trailer is awful. The ironic thing is, Episode I is probably my favorite of the new Star Wars movies. (NOTE: This is where past Hunter stopped writing and present day Hunter assumes direct control).
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| You know what this blog needs? More Mass Effect references! |
5. Pod Racing
Before I go on, I am aware that the Pod Racing scene goes on for ten minutes too long and never really elaborates on why Anakin is the only human who can pod race and raises a whole host of other issues. BUT, conceptually, the pod race is one of the few things in the entire new trilogy that is completely original and not desperately trying to call back to the Good Trilogy. Technically speaking, it is highly reminiscent of the speeder chase on Endor in Return of the Jedi, but there's enough of a change in context, environment, and the actual look of the racers makes it different enough to be enjoyable. Plus, the Pod Racing video game that came out with it (and undoubtedly was a primary motivation for its lengthy stay in the movie) was really cool and that's more than you can say for any of the other ancillary stuff from the other movies.
Plus, it didn't rely exclusively on lightsabers like every other moment in the Bad Trilogy.
4. The Villains
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| "It is a shame that nothing is known about my motivations, personality or beliefs other than I think Double Lightsabers are neat. Yet I am still more menacing that Grievous and Dooku put together" |
For starters, Darth Maul was a fantastically designed villain and the only solid new villain the prequels provide. Dooku was just Christopher Lee (which is not scary) and General Grievous is a textbook example of a character they just never stopped designing (what if he was a robot and a lizard alien and had like four arms of lightsabers and had a bad cough...). Darth Maul is the closest the Bad Trilogy comes to capturing the essence of the great design behind Darth Vader. Whereas Darth Vader's design (and personality) was like a person but cold and calculating like a machine (so that we understood him just enough to be afraid of his capabilities), Darth Maul's design makes him like a person but with horns and war paint, like some sort of space barbarian alien thing. It would've been nice if they had spent more time establishing a personality for him to reinforce this design. But still, he's head and shoulders above all the other new villains.
Shockingly, I'm going to bring up the Nemodeans as a strength in The Phantom Menace, at least in comparison to the Separatists. Despite the myriad of problems there are with the Nemodeans (they're racist caricatures, they are completely ineffective fighters, they have no grasp on strategy and offer no real threat to anyone whatsoever), they have one thing that makes them better than the Separatists: a motive. Sure, it's a simple motive (become richer by plundering/owning Naboo) but I can understand that goal. I can see how the choices they make facilitate that goal. I honestly have no idea what the Separatists are fighting for. I don't care if it's brought up in an Expanded Universe novel or a comic book or 3-D diorama. It's the responsibility of the movie to tell me these things. Entertainment should not require outside reading. But I digress. What does the Techno Union gain by seceding from the Republic? You'd think the Techno Union army would fight for the preservation of the Union. After all, what would Techno Ulysses S. Grant or Cybernetic William T. Sherman have to say if they discovered the Boys in Blue turned secessionist?
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| Cybernetic William T. Sherman has a flamethrower for a hand. He approves of any strategy that destroys the Atlanta System. |
3. Liam Neeson
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| “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have credits. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career as a Jedia. Skills that make me a nightmare for Sith like you. If you let my padawan go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”~Dialogue that Should've Been Put in Phantom Menace |
Liam Neeson is the best part of whatever he's in. Do I need to elaborate? Fine, I will. Liam Neeson is easily the best actor in this movie, it's just a shame they miscast his part so badly. Personally and with all due respect to Ewan McGregor, I always felt that Liam Neeson would have made a much better Obi-Wan Kenobi than McGregor. For starters, Liam Neeson actually sounds like a wise, old Jedi. The only other Jedi who sounds wise in the entire Bad Trilogy is Yoda, and that's just because they copied him from the Good Trilogy. Ewan's Obi-Wan always sounds agitated and sarcastic. Samuel L. Jackson's Mace Windu always sounds like he's waiting for an excuse to hit someone and yell at them (likely calling them a mother******, which would be awesome, but not particularly wise). For starters, it makes more sense to have Obi-Wan be a pivotal character in this movie since he's a main character in the rest of the trilogy and the catalyst in A New Hope. As Qui-Gonn, none of the decisions Neeson makes are particularly important in the long run, at least in terms of character development. Furthermore, it'd make sense to have the younger Jedi go out and do stuff while the older Jedi got to relax on the ship and drink coffee, which is what would happen in real life. Lastly, and most importantly, Liam Neeson actually looks like what original Obi-Wan Kenobi would've looked like twenty years earlier: a fairly old guy. It would make sense that he would be older than time by the time the next trilogy started.
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| Obi-Wan, Circa Episode III |
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| Obi-Wan, Circa 18 years later. He has aged 50 years in that time. Doing nothing much on Tattooine is super stressful, I guess? |
2. It actually remembers Spaceships
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| It's no Millenium Falcon but it's something. |
In Episodes II & III, starships are almost completely forgotten. Sure, there are occasional CGI laser fests like at the start of Episode III, but none of them carry any weight in the plot. Furthermore, none of them are ever given any scope beyond Anakin and/or Obi-Wan. You maybe see one clone pilot who complains about being shot at so Anakin can have a solitary moment where he's not a whiny, vindictive jerk. But in Episode I, they still remembered that spaceships are an integrally cool part of the Star Wars mythology. The Battle of the Weird Donut-looking Control Station Thing is nowhere near as cool as the Death Star fights, but it still reminds you that there are Star Wars, not just Ground Wars with Laser Swords Fought Perpetually Between Force Zealots.
1. The Saga Begins
The Weird Al parody is so funny that it almost justifies the existence of the Bad Trilogy in and of itself. In fact, I'm going to stop talking about it and just let the music speak for itself.
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