Madness? THIS IS PITTSBURGH!

Now, I am a person who has a firm grip on reality. Sure, I may have fevered hallucinations of German Rivers and ways of defending Peyton Manning's honor and I may occasionally pit denominations of currency against each other in a tournament, but I am a pretty down to earth guy. It takes a lot to shake me. But, lo, I was shaken. Troy Polamalu, safety extraordinaire and Madden Curse victim, has his hair insured by Lloyd's of London for... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

Behold! The hair that is worth more than your house!

How exactly does he collect on that insurance? Will he have to file for damages if someone tackles him by it? Will the barber be held liable if he cuts it too short? How do you quantify the damage to the hair if it is dyed orange by a squad of covert Bengals fans? Little known fact, the Cincinnati Bengals have a spec ops division. Also, if his hair is damaged beyond repair or destroyed, will he have to use the money to get a replacement hairstyle? If so, I strongly recommend growing that hair style if you can. It could be your ticket to a million dollar payday.