All We Want to Do is Eat Your Brains

Before I begin, I'd like to say that I write surprisingly more often than this blog would indicate. One of my most recent works was for the Zombie Defense Class I taught for my job with housing. That's right, I technically got paid to talk about how to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse. More astute readers may recall I mentioned this briefly in one of my earlier updates last semester. All in all, this presentation was 100% better than the one I gave last year. I had a powerpoint guiding me so I didn't stumble around as much (if I can ever figure how to post attachments, I will post it here). The preparation for the event was much better, so thank you to whoever made the Zombie banner to put in the lobby. Also, the event itself was much better publicized (because I made sure to put the flyers up more than 2 days in advance). Finally, I want to give a shout out to Melissa, for making brain-shaped sugar cookies. Truly, those were delicious brains.

More surprising was the fact that over 40 people showed up (compared to 8 or 9 last spring). But the biggest surprise of the night was what happened after the lecture. Last year, I decided to include a showing of Shaun of the Dead to try and attract some of the movie enthusiast crowd (little known fact: everyone will stop at an event which has free drinks and a movie). The ploy worked because 2 or 3 people showed up just for the movie. However, this year the opposite happened. Of the 40 people who showed up, only about 6 stayed for the movie. So, all in all, I'd have to say the Zombie Defense Class was a wild success. Thank you to everyone who came out. For those of you who didn't come, here is a sample of the presentation- the handout that was distributed to every table.

Zombie Defense Class

Survival Tips



1. Stick with a group and remained organized. Loners never last long in the zombie apocalypse. In fact, zombies come to expect survivors to travel in groups. After all, they say “Braaaaaaiiiiiinnnssssssss”, not “Braaaaaiiiiiiinnnn”. Stick with your RA and you stand a much better chance of survival.

2. A zombie avoided is worth a dozen zombies defeated. A single zombie is never much trouble, but you are in for a quite a challenge if you attract the attention of the zombie horde.

3. If you can hear them, they’ve already heard you. By the time you hear the telltale cry of “Braaaaaiiiiinnnnssss”, it means the zombie has already seen you, created an event titled “Eating Your Brains” on Zombie Facebook, and invited all his friends to it.

4. Zombies are lazy but persistent. Zombies are notoriously lazy. Zombies shuffle everywhere they go and even if they get someone’s brain, they never finish it. However, a zombie will viciously hunt you down at a leisurely pace for miles.

5. You have to rest, they don’t. The only thing harder than surviving the zombie apocalypse is surviving the zombie apocalypse is surviving the zombie apocalypse while tired. Though the zombies never stop their vicious leisurely shuffle, rest is absolutely essential. When you’re tired, you are more likely to make a careless mistake and become part of the All You Can Eat Brain Buffet. When you need to rest, find some place that offers a measure of security against the zombies.

6. No place is safe, only safer. During the zombie apocalypse, you need to find a defensible place and stay there. However, no place is safe forever and you always need to be planning your next move.