The Greatest Day of the Year

Why is today the greatest day of the year? Because it's the longest possible time before February comes back, in all its malarial terror. Now, you're probably wondering why I haven't blogged in nearly a month. In large part, it's because I picked the Super Bowl wrong AGAIN (I may have only made predictions the last two years, but still, a streak is a streak). The worst part was the way the Steelers self-destructed. They shot themselves in the foot, stumbled all the way back to one possession within victory, then shot themselves in the other foot. At that point, I realized the I had angered mighty Februus and promptly went into hiding in my February-proofed bunker. How do you February-proof a bunker?

1. Tear off the month of February from any calendars. So very few people realize that calendars are the number one way that February is transmitted. It turns out that if you call it "Smarch" then it loses a great deal of its other-worldly power.

Super Sunday Prediction: Speedy Edition

First and foremost, let me just say that the one good thing about February is that several of my friends were born during that month. So I apologize if I implied that your birthday (or you being born) was terrible just because of it happening during the worst month of the year. Next, I'll finish my rant on February this week, but for now let's talk about the Big Game. Rather than go into my usual overly-verbose style, I'm just going to list off ten facts, observations, and other musings I've had lately.

1. I think that the least talked about aspect of Green Bay vs Pittsburgh is a triumph of the NFL's brilliant revenue sharing approach. No other major sport could field championship caliber teams from markets as small as Pittsburgh and Milwaukee, much less have them be considered traditional powerhouses. 
2. When owners and players see such a successful model, they have to destroy it as quickly as possible. In my lifetime, no major sport has survived an extended strike/lockout without immediate dire repercussions to its popularity. In 1994, baseball canceled the World Series because of a grievance between millionaire players and billionaire owners. While the sport eventually recovered (although no longer the most popular sport), it took the Steroid Era to do so (which many baseball fans believe to be a deal with the Devil). The NHL's strike effectively removed it from the pantheon of major sports.
3. The Steelers can outplay any team in the NFL. Unfortunately, they can only do that for about one half a week.

It's called a "Power Hour" for a reason

So, a week after I declared the Titans to be worse off than the rock-bottom Broncos, the Titans and Jeff Fisher agree to part ways. Clearly, once Bud Adams realized he had lost the support of the EMPH and its vital Azerbaijani fan base, he had to sack Fisher as a means of appeasement. Personally, I am surprised that Bud Adams is going to be rid of both Vince Young and Fisher. I had been told that, at 88 years young, Bud Adams had adopted the pharaonic management technique. Like the kings of Ancient Egypt, Bud Adams was going to be entombed with his worldly possessions and his servants, so that he may carry both with him to the afterlife. Adams has succeeded in dragging the Titans to the grave (all that's left is to construct a pyramid over LP Field, which can't be too far off), but I'm surprised that he isn't going to entomb Fisher & Young with himself. By the way, the first sign that LP Field will be converted into a giant pyramid will be talk of adding a retractable roof. So keep an eye out for that.

Now, some people may be concerned that my blog wields power enough to ride the most tenured (and serially mediocre) coach in the NFL and that I would be driven mad with power. Well, first let me state that I went mad a long time ago. Although that statement seems to imply there was a period in my life when I was not crazy. In fact, let me state emphatically that anyone who claims I was normal at some point is a slanderous cretin out to disparage my name. But I digress. The important thing is that the amount of madness will remain unchanged.

Despite my blog's new found career-destroying powers, I am not content. There's an even greater threat than Pharaoh Adamsotep and I am powerless to stop it. I speak of the worst month of the year, the annual blight on our calendars that no one can stop: February.

Toss Up: Which Team is Sinking Faster?

I know I said I'd start this series sooner, but Graduate School applications, finding employment and general holiday tomfoolery ate up a bunch of the time I set aside for blogging. For the first installment, I've decided to compare the relative hopelessness of what two formerly great  franchises... well, one formerly great franchise and one formerly pretty good franchise: the Denver Broncos and the Tennessee Titans.

Interesting Fact: The Broncos used to be one of my favorite teams, until they hired Josh McDaniels. Then the Titans filled the void. Also, it's worth pointing out that my one of my other favorite teams is the equally hopeless Carolina Panthers. So maybe I'm the problem. But I digress.

Toss Up: Which Team is Sinking Faster: the Denver Broncos or the Tennessee Titans?

Internationally Renewed Vigor

In honor of Halloween, I've decided to give you all a trick and a treat, which is 100% more than you could expect from any given house in your neighborhood. That is, if any of my readership is young enough that they could go trick or treating. And they most certainly are not. In fact, I wonder if the decline in desire to trick or treat correlates with the realization that they sell candy at the grocery store and you can buy that whenever you want. But I digress. The treat is that I'm giving you an update. The trick is that it is an update about why there are less updates. But there is yet another treat in that it will be more like my normal updates (i.e. long and filled with hilarious digressions)rather than my typical "I should update more" post (which is normally about 75 words, 50 of which were written out of guilt).

It is the worst kept secret in the world that I do not update the English Muffin Power Hour regularly. In fact, with this update, October will be my busiest month of blogging for the year with 3 updates and will be the most updated month since last August. Fortunately, after some thought (read: two minutes between innings of the World Series), I think I've isolated the reasons why the English Muffin Power Hour has been only slightly less neglected than all other Power Hours in the world.

The Winning Formula

I am a man of conviction. If my previous loquacious musings had not tipped you off to the fact, now you have it in unambiguous, introductory paragraph style. Once I am convinced of something, I remain it takes a lot to shake that belief. For years, I believed that few things could top the comedic styling of the Muppets. Sure, their hay day has long since passed, but so has Monty Python's and they're still awesome. Incidentally, Monty Python is one of the few things that can top the Muppets, but that's another story. Similarly, I believe that it is very hard to beat both the rock and the roll of Queen. But it never occurred to me that combining Muppets and Queen would result in unadulterated awesomeness.



But that's not all! Someone took the formula one step further by mixing David Bowie, Queen and the Muppets. It's not quite as awesome as the first video, but it also is just a guy with a video camera and a few puppets. Not exactly the same level of sophistication you get from working with the Disney Corporation.


By the way, I just noticed that most of the things I really like were at their peak before I was born. It may seem weird, but if I ever get sent back to 1985, Marty McFly style, I'll have no trouble fitting in.